" Someone who is "on the rebound," or recently out of a serious dating relationship, is popularly believed to be psychologically incapable of making reasonable decisions regarding suitable partners due to emotional neediness, lingering feelings towards the old partner, or unresolved problems from the previous relationship. Rebound relationships are believed to be short-lived due to one partner's emotional instability and desire to distract themselves from a painful breakup, and those emerging from serious relationships are often advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed. "
I made a conscious decision a couple months ago to be a threat only to my own emotional stability. I know I am 'psychologically incapable' of pulling off a normal dating process right now, so my favor to the men in Northern California is my decision not to date. Sure its tough for me, I have to forget J and I'm not sure how to fill the space, I have to resolve the residual issues without a sounding board. But it's been over 2 months, and I'm doing fine!
Maybe I'm done with my rebound period.
HA!!!!
Definitely not. If anything, it's just begun. I am stronger than I was, I can make sense of J and my past better than I could, I can sleep through the night and go through the day without breaking down! But I still cannot conquer the loneliness.
A previous comment mentioned the difference between loneliness and alone, and I'm there. I'm straddling the difference. I am not alone in the world, I am more surrounded by people than I have been in a long time. But that hole left by memories of J, that is a big empty hole. A big lonely place that I have a big problem with avoiding.
What Wikipedia fails to explicitly mention in the definition of a 'Rebound' is that stupid hole. I know I need to fill it myself, be strong enough to fill that hole with my own self-assuredness and belief in love. And I thought maybe I had. I thought maybe I could perhaps start to maybe think about maybe seeing someone again. But it is becoming more and more obvious that that hole is bigger than I thought. That hole is gaping. And I am desperately reaching out for someone to come and patch the hole, at least some of the time, at least when I'm the most lonely and vulnerable.
That's unfair to him, to me, and to the hole. The hole demands some respect. I'm constantly demonizing it, but it means well, if a hole can mean....
Conclusions: I am still rebounding. When I'm lonely I try to fill the lonely space, which is not a good idea. I can't date yet.
I am obviously not ready to be a "me" yet, I'm still reverting to being a "we". I don't do it when I'm alert, but once I've had a beer, once I'm tired, once I'm sufficiently stressed, I need "we".
But like I've said all along, there's no "we" until there's a happy "me".
And that's that.
L
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