He was my boyfriend, my roommate, my love, but he was also my best friend. It may not have seemed like it toward the end, but when I get home from a long day what I want most is to tell J about it. I want to hold hands while he watches his show and I fall asleep. I want to know that even though I made some dumb decisions, he is still going to be there to walk me through the aftermath. I miss that safety.
True, I need to be strong for myself. He has said that he feels like he is shielding me from the world, and in a way that's true, I suppose, but I never asked him to. All I want him to do is shield me for a couple minutes a day while recuperate from the last 12 hours. I need that. Or, maybe I don't need it, but I don't know how to operate without it. Where do I hide? Where can I go to be shielded? Where can I turn to protect myself from.. well.. myself?
J was a voice of reason, a guiding light when I lost my way. I know this seems vague, but thats really what he was to me. He was an amazing other half.
And tonight, I just miss being whole.
L
He had a purpose in your life and was that guiding light. I think you needed that relationship to move on from the past, and get to where you are now. You've improved so many areas of your life in the last 4 years. Now as you enter the new chapter of your life you have learned and gained everything you needed from that relationship ...but you don't need him anymore. You are still that shiny happy version of yourself..it's just buried a little bit. You're strong for a little person :). You can conquer anything.
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