Thing is, I know what he is doing. I knew exactly where he is. He is at an event for a friend of ours. I turned the event down, because I wanted him to have the night to himself to have fun and get his time without me staring at him.
Still. I want to call and ask what he is doing. I want to ask if he is busy, if he wants to talk, if he is doing alright. I want to ruin his night with thoughts of me. I want to float into his head and ruin whatever he was contemplating before.
Instead, I'm typing.
I type because it is harmless. No one can get mad at me for typing. No one can tell me I am selfish for typing my feelings. No one can be upset because I am typing. No one.
(And if you are mad, really, close the window. I don't know you. You should not be so upset.)
- By the way, coherent sentences? Not happening in this post. If you require them, skip this. -
So, I want to ruin his night. Part of me wants to completely rain on his night by reminding him that I exist. However, part of me wants to be bigger than that. And that second part of me is the one that will win. Here is why:
1. He is strong. I am strong. Therefore, if he doesn't need to talk to me at 3 am, I can make it just the same.
2. So.. thats all I have. Just the one.
But.. one was enough. The part of me that is big enough and strong enough will prevail. I am stubborn, have been since I was born, and tonight that stubborn part of me is going to keep my strength stronger than my will to reach for the phone.
Oh 3am. What are you doing to me.
L
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