remember. and smile.

Bringing back an old post because reading this reminded me why I let myself hit the lows.

The highs are just so unbelievably worth it.

L

(ps: August 4th, for anyone who wasn't reading back then, still puts me on a cloud.)

THURSDAY, JUNE 18, 2009

fearless

I don't know how it gets better than this

The first night was full of harmless flirtation. Subtle at points, but sometimes terribly obvious. We parted at day break, leaving the dark night to go into a gorgeous sunny day. Still, though, separate.

You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless

The suspense built for two days while we went on with our lives in separate places. Two long days. Really, days the regular length, but oh how they stretched out while waiting for replies to text messages and thinking up clever but cute responses once the phone decided to chime.

And you know I want to ask you to dance right there, in the middle of the parking lot

It seems to take forever, but I finally see him again. We meet downtown; I walk in and see him waiting for me. I catch his eye and I swear his eyes smile. We start sitting at least a foot apart. Minutes pass. Move closer. 6 inches. 4. I don't have to try to seem magnetically attracted to him this time, I just am. I don't have to wonder if he noticed my hand brush by his, he notices. Suddenly it's so simple. It happens all by itself. Gravity really does want us to be closer.

Absent mindedly making me want you

We leave, each driving ourselves, and meet somewhere else where his friends are waiting. I try my best to be surreptitious, no one needs to know I am here with him. That's for me to know. That's for me to smile about. Some subtle hand holding. Some half hugs. Some smiling glances. Someone else tries to make a move on me, and immediately I'm whisked out the door. No questions asked. No words to speak, I know he wants me to himself. Heart racing.

So baby drive slow, until we run out of road

He gives me a ride home. Smiling. Holding hands. I feel like a giddy teenager on a first date. All hope, no fear. No past, no present, no fear of the future. Everything has fallen into place and I wasn't afraid for a minute. I'm floating through the night, and so quickly it's over and I'm back to solid ground. Walking to the door, I feel like it's all over too soon. Why can't it last till day break again?

Wait.. why can't it?

And it does.

You stood there with me in the doorway

My hands shake

I'm not usually this way but

You pull me in and I'm a little more brave

It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something

It's fearless

Fearless.

L

*lyrics from Taylor Swift's Fearless