under the boardwalk

I think I may be broken, and I'm not sure Home Depot has the tools to fix me.

I cancelled both of my dates last week. I just did not want to go, so I called and cancelled. Don't worry, neither of them was going to be 'the one'.

On Saturday I kept a date. I kept it for a couple reasons: 1. it was a group outing, 2. the destination was Santa Cruz, and I cannot pass on the beach, 3. he asked less than 24 hours before the time of departure, so I didn't have any time to cancel even if I'd wanted to. This date was different though. I didn't want to cancel. I had an amazing time. We made it through the 2 hour drive without any awkward pauses. I made friends with the other couple. We went to the Boardwalk, rode a ride or two, had some fattening food, and headed down to the beach. We played in the water, laid in the sand, smiled and laughed and let the waves knock us down. After dinner we watched the sun set from the pier. We rode roller coasters after dark and enjoyed the bright lights of the Boardwalk rides.

And at the top of the Giant Dipper, right before the big drop on this historic coaster, we had our first kiss. What a story to tell the kids. :)

Again I find myself in this messy tangle of 'how does this work?'. When do I know if things are exclusive? When is it safe to ask about his past girlfriends/summer hookups without seeming too pushy? What does he tell his friends? (Does he tell his friends? Oh no..) Do I really want this to work?

And if I do, then why did my heart skip a beat tonight when C texted me? I think I like this new guy (P), and I think he likes me, and we had an amazing first date, a movie couldn't have arranged it better.... but I still got butterflies when C texted me tonight. Shouldn't those be gone? Replaced?

A fortune cookie sounds really excellent right now. Or a hammer.

L