melt away

Today I checked my phone to see the last time we talked. A quick exchange, October 30th. The last time before that was equally brief, October 20th. I drafted a few messages in my head. It seems like enough time has passed that I should say hello again. How to phrase it... "miss me yet?" or a simple "hi...". Maybe cross a thin line and jump strait to "so what have you been up to lately?", but I don't want to cross too far. Too far and you may not answer. Too far and you may not see the nonchalance I'm desperately hoping to exude.

thoughts run wild as I sit and rhapsodize

I didn't send you a message. I didn't call. I didn't give you any indication that I'd spent the morning planning out the perfect way to remind you of my existence. I decided, instead, that if you could go without me, then I could certainly go without you. You don't need to text me? I don't need to text you. And so it went. I spent my day like I would any other, working, cleaning, and flushing the memories of you out of my mind every 20 seconds. How you have so much control over my mind after this long I have no idea. And believe me, I've thought about it. You must be controlling my thought processes as well as my sanity. You have a talent NASA would pay millions to bottle and reproduce. If only you'd use that mind control for good.

pretty pictures of what I'd do if you were mine

Tonight, after a particularly fulfilling night at work, one during which I was too busy to even begin to think of you. Honestly, if I hadn't looked at my phone on the drive home I might still be free of you. But instead, I looked. I looked and I had a message from you. Today of all days. Tonight of all nights. Its like you knew.

and suddenly, my defenses start to go

Do I have plans tomorrow night? I'm free after work. Would I like to go to a friend's birthday party with you? Are you all out of other options? I'm flattered. I'd love to go. You just want to dance with me? --swoon-- Count me in. I could meet you... Oh? You'll pick me up? Just call when I'm ready? Just like a real date.

I can't conceal that I'm slowly weakening

All that mental preparation. I convinced myself I wouldn't talk to you until you needed me so much that you talked to me first. And less than 12 hours later, somehow, you got the message. Do you know me that well? Or do you just know what you're doing. Or maybe you have stumbled upon some extremely amazing dumb luck in the love category. Whatever it is, it sure is working on me.

you envelop me and I lose my self control

I was so sure this morning. And just seeing your name tipped me over.

Tonight, though, I love this instability.

L

*lyrics from Mariah Carey's Melt Away