fences

I would love to cave in. I'd like to call him, show up at his house, appear out of no where and let him swoon, apologize, and beg for forgiveness. Afterwards I'd tell him he needed to work for my trust, and he'd promise to do nothing but that for as long as it took.

But that wouldn't happen. And even if it did, I would be stupid to believe it.

you're always on display for everyone to watch and learn from

I have learned my share of lessons. I know the answer when a girl is hurt by a guy. I know how to tell her to pick herself up off the ground, brush it off, and move on without looking back. I do it on a weekly basis. And so now, now that I'm thrown back into this fire, I have to take my own advice. I have to be just as strong as I tell them to be. I have to be the good example.

don't look up just let them think there's no place else you'd rather be

I'm playing the hard ass. He texts, I wait. Sure my heart skips, I hope more than anything that he'll be saying he can't live without me, but that's irrelevant. I not only have to live out my own advice but I have to make it look like it is the best decision I have ever made. Unfortunately, at the moment it feels like ice picks stabbing into my shoulders. I want to break down, run back, embrace the 'ignorance is bliss' philosophy that I am usually so against. No. Can't. I must look like the strongest person in any room. I have to be the strongest person in any room. I am the strongest person in any room.

it's obvious that you're just living proof that the camera's lying

At least all those acting classes weren't a complete waste.

L

*lyrics from Paramore's Fences