Lately, I am Samantha. I feel as though I have forgotten everything before 2005! I remember meeting J up until now, but when it comes to remembering dates before J, my lifestyle before J, how I operated around men before J, I am a blank slate.
Until the flashback.
This morning I was hit with a bit of insight into the pre-2005 L. It hit me like a rock this morning because last night I was her. And to be honest, for the last 2 months, I've been her. And she... she was not always the nicest person.
Shall I decompress that cryptic file?
Since I don't remember how my relationships and flings functioned pre-2005, I wasn't entirely sure how to flirt or date when J and I first cut loose. I tried to stay out of the line of fire, flirt lightly to get the hang of things, not get into anything serious. I succeeded!
Or so I thought.
Pre-2005, as my flashback reminded me, I was... either a bitch or some type of superhero. I led guys on, although I didn't know I was doing it. I'd date a guy for a bit, and then, when I got bored, I'd ignore them until they stopped calling. Does that make me a bitch for leading them on? Or a superhero for attracting all those men and then giving them a taste of their own man-medicine?
Much as I'd LOVE to say superhero, I'm afraid it is the former explanation thats most logical.
(damn.)
Pre-2005: I led guys on. Flirted shamelessly until they were texting multiple times a day, and then I moved on. Cut them out completely without any warning.
Now: I've already done this to one. As I realized this morning, I'm in the process of doing it to two more.
The pluperfect tense refers to an action that happened in the past and continues in the present. I am living the pluperfect, minus the literal sentence structure. Am I evil? Or am I me? Do I need to change the pattern before it continues, or is that just me? Is that just how I work, how I find love, how I operate in relationship situations? Do I need to change it up? Do I need to give out a warning? Or should I just learn a better way to give guys the old 'heave-ho' and jump into the fire?
I thought dating would be the end of the trouble.
Oh how it seems to have just begun.
Again.
L
Not evil... now or pre-2005. In my, ahem, vast experience, there is a fine line between flirting and leading on. Is it leading on when one is getting to know another beyond "friendship?" If there are ulterior motives for the flirting... if it continues beyond any reasonable hope for something more, then perhaps, but when that is is only a question you can answer.
ReplyDeleteI tried really hard - cannot picture you as evil - sorry.
Thats probably okay, though, if you don't think I'm evil. :) I won't fight you on that.
ReplyDelete(And next time im worried about the leading on, you will be my back up!!)
Deal.
ReplyDeletei don't think giving someone a chance is the same thing as leading them on... unless you never had any genuine interest from the start. you're not evil for trying, and you're not evil for not yet feeling comfortable with the reality that not everyone will click.. but that's what it is, right? just not a right match. if they all were right, well, we'd all be mormon or something.
ReplyDeleteI remember the pre-2005 LL quite well. You did flirt a lot. Remember our cheesecake factory outings? But that was you...you were the little spunky girl with a lot of flirt in her...not a bad thing, made you fun.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's a bad thing if in the process of flirting you realize that you're not into the guy anymore. Guys do it to girls all the time, why can't you? If you don't like how you do that, then maybe try to change how you end things? But that won't work because men don't get hints or being subtle. They need to know that things are not continuing.
So I say just continue being you and doing things the way you always did. It did work...
ps: guys never did listen when i'd warn them about falling for you. so that's their own fault.
ReplyDelete