At 19, everything was extraordinary. Every guy who looked my way was a step in the right direction. Every boy I fell for was spectacularly better than the last. I had a way of looking at each new love as though it were the most amazing thing that could ever happen to a girl like me.
I lost it.
Nothing is extraordinary anymore. Ordinary is all I can muster up. The only extraordinary moments are a select few with C- not all the time, anymore. But the point of this is not to dissect some moments with C. I'm introducing the next character in this soap opera drama: V.
V likes me. I like V more than I've liked anyone recently. We've been on 3 dates. I haven't once had to ignore a call or text from him. I don't feel like running away. I don't feel like running in, either. We are nothing extraordinary. We get along well in public and one-on-one. He is a good guy, I don't feel like I'm in danger of heartbreak. I'm not terribly worried that I'll hurt him, either. But thats not to say that I'm in this with all of me. I just think he seems rational enough to bounce back when I start ignoring his calls.
Once again, I'm missing the spark.
Is it settling if I wait this one out to see where it goes, even though the spark is obviously absent? Or can we just call that good sense? I think I've answered it for myself.
It's not extraordinary. It might be a bit better than ordinary, but I've had extraordinary, and this doesn't begin to compare. I'll give it a few more shots... but then back to the war path.
Hopefully he understands.
L
I know those who seem to be able to fabricate that "spark" with virtually anyone. I envy them. It's not that way with me. I dated a wonderful woman for a couple of weeks - perfect for me in every way: smart, productive, pretty, we looked good together... and she was into me. From all external appearances she was the ONE. But there was no spark - I could not continue with the relationship knowing nothing would ever come of it. And I am pretty sure there was a one way spark going on, it just wasn't mutual. I'm still waiting because without a spark there can be no flame.
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