making me feel

Lesson learned, thanks to an episode of Dexter:

"It's not him that you miss... it's the way he made you feel about yourself...."

I can't help that he makes me feel wanted. I feel vital. I feel strong and powerful and sensual and gorgeous. When he's there I feel important, I feel on top of the world. I can't help that he makes me feel unstoppable.

it's not complicated, we're just syncopated, we can read each others' minds.

I am all of these things without him, but when he is with me, when I am with him, I am all of this and more. I am not only sure of myself but I am certain. I am not only strong but I am the epitome of strength. I am not only smart but I am brilliant. I become a brighter me. I glow. I shine. I light from the inside. He makes me feel just purely amazing. I am amazing. And I am so aware of it when he is around me.

this is way beyond the physical. tonight my senses don't make sense at all.

The damage he's done disappears when he's around. I give him trouble for it, but then I give it up. He doesn't charm me. I don't forget what he's done, I just stop caring. I just don't care. The glow- I can feel it fighting to come out. I can tell I'm starting to light up. I know I'm feeling that feeling that I get when he's here. And why put it off? Why punish myself? Why make myself miss out on this amazing high just because he can't behave? I shouldn't. It would be so terrible to deprive myself of this.

our imaginations taking us to places we ain't never been before.

I give in. I give in repeatedly. But I understand the consequences. The glow doesn't last forever. The smile fades. I come down from the surreal high he puts me on. The memory, though, that sticks. That sticks around to taunt me, tease me, put me back on mini-highs whenever I think of him.

All I have to do is smell the pillow.

(Don't you dare tell me to wash the sheets.)

don't even need to touch me... baby... just...

L

*lyrics from Britney Spears' Breathe on Me

don't call it a comeback

there is a list of "B" words that can brighten my mood. usually, it includes baseball and beer. (and usually, thats all it needs to include.) 

however, i have found an addition: britney. 

Britney Spears came to Sacramento this past weekend, and being the loyal listener that I am, I showed up Saturday night with bells on. She gave a lackluster performance. It was obvious from any seat in the arena that she was tired after about 3 songs and stopped giving it her all. But, she showed up, which is more than I can say for the last time I had tickets to see her (Onyx Hotel Tour, anyone?). Quite a few songs were off the Blackout album, one I own but don't frequently listen to. 

But, don't get me wrong. The concert was wonderful. The song list flowed, not too many slow songs, good entertainment on costume changes. One reason Brit gets to make the "B"-word list is because the concert was pretty fabulous, and I had an awesome time. 

A second reason Britney makes the cut: her life sucks. Or does it? I'm pretty sure she doesn't know the answer to that either. And that is #2. 

Famous at 17, in rehab at 25, back in sequins at 27. This girl has done it ALL, and she's done it all with helicopters overhead trying to photograph her at her most vulnerable moments. She's been through phases where she couldn't admit she needed help, and she's come to realize that she needs it and she lets- well, as much as a court order can be considered voluntary- her Dad help her. And now, with a little help from the important people, the legendary Miss Britney Spears has proven that she can take back her title as pop princess. She can screw up a nationally televised performance, lose custody of her kids, shave her head, and make a comeback. She can still own a chart, and she can still pull a massive audience. 

The point here is that if Miss Brit can do it, I certainly can, too. (Perhaps all but the selling albums and filling an arena...) But, I am not quite as crazy as she was at her worst, I'm not as volatile, I don't have children to worry about, and I don't have paparazzi chasing me, most of the time. :) 

So here is to Britney. She may not have always been the best role model, but I'll be damned if she isn't some kind of an example of something. Every woman in Sacramento was in that arena this weekend. Britney must be doing something right. And without going insane first, I'll be filling my own metaphorical arenas soon. 

no need for a comeback, i'll be here for years. 

and the world is gonna love it. 

L