past perfect

Ever seen the ABC show 'Samantha Who?' ? The main character, Samantha, was hit by a car and has had amnesia for about 2 seasons now. She's trying to live an honorable life and be a friendly wonderful person, but every so often (about once an episode, coincidentally...) she gets a flashback from before the accident triggered by a similar situation to which she promises to react differently. In these flashbacks she is an evil bitch, just a horrible backstabbing egomaniac. That's all the background you'll need to catch up with tonight's thought process. 

Lately, I am Samantha. I feel as though I have forgotten everything before 2005! I remember meeting J up until now, but when it comes to remembering dates before J, my lifestyle before J, how I operated around men before J, I am a blank slate. 

Until the flashback.

This morning I was hit with a bit of insight into the pre-2005 L. It hit me like a rock this morning because last night I was her. And to be honest, for the last 2 months, I've been her. And she... she was not always the nicest person. 

Shall I decompress that cryptic file? 

Since I don't remember how my relationships and flings functioned pre-2005, I wasn't entirely sure how to flirt or date when J and I first cut loose. I tried to stay out of the line of fire, flirt lightly to get the hang of things, not get into anything serious. I succeeded! 

Or so I thought. 

Pre-2005, as my flashback reminded me, I was... either a bitch or some type of superhero. I led guys on, although I didn't know I was doing it. I'd date a guy for a bit, and then, when I got bored, I'd ignore them until they stopped calling. Does that make me a bitch for leading them on? Or a superhero for attracting all those men and then giving them a taste of their own man-medicine? 

Much as I'd LOVE to say superhero, I'm afraid it is the former explanation thats most logical. 

(damn.) 

Pre-2005: I led guys on. Flirted shamelessly until they were texting multiple times a day, and then I moved on. Cut them out completely without any warning. 

Now: I've already done this to one. As I realized this morning, I'm in the process of doing it to two more. 

The pluperfect tense refers to an action that happened in the past and continues in the present. I am living the pluperfect, minus the literal sentence structure. Am I evil? Or am I me? Do I need to change the pattern before it continues, or is that just me? Is that just how I work, how I find love, how I operate in relationship situations? Do I need to change it up? Do I need to give out a warning? Or should I just learn a better way to give guys the old 'heave-ho' and jump into the fire? 

I thought dating would be the end of the trouble. 

Oh how it seems to have just begun. 

Again. 

L